dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
