very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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