the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
