dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
