please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize