I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
