She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
