Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think your dad took our porno
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
