things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They took my balls.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
