matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
