Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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