Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
