omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize