We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
