I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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