I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
