just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I look better un-naked...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
