i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
