I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
