Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
