I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
