so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
