Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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