You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
