these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
