OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
