So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
