I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
