Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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