I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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