I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
