my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
