she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
