Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
