you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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