I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
whose ass print is on the piano?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The adults are the big ones right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
