The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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