hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
