Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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