I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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