Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize