There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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