Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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