Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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