Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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