I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize