she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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