you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
