If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
