you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We are all done wearing pants today
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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