Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
