omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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