But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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