You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
