in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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