About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
